is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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