yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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