well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
