this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
