Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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