I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
In America we eat man semen.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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