There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize