I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
