now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
