you would pick up someone in the library
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
