i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Farmville is her only friend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
