he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
