when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
