So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
