and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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