Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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