What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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