..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
