Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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