Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain