At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I could make wine with my vomit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
