i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dating After Heartbreak
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself