I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.