It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
