I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
two words...techno handjob
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.