I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
