There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pooping to opera.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
