as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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