I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
