If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Do you still have your period?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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