Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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