At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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