He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
