His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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