I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
