Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
