i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
