very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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