the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The ass gains better be worth it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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