my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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