Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you

(386): View more from Florida

girlfriend?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?

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(904): View more from Florida

So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.

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