I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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