I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
