She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
