Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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