I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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