Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
