drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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