my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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