Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
