He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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