DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
