walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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