If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
