pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
