He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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