So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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