I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
