I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
