I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i will never coherently bang her
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
