Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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