I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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