Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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