the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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