i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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