I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
