i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
