Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
