fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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