I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
