I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
