it wasn't lemon gatorade
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
